It began simple enough…
just choose and pen a name for a year.
No resolutions…
because we always make them…
then forget them.
So to name a year…
lend it some character…
and shape, and form…
to give birth to it…
this is your year of ______.
Last year…
being a person who had never learned how to connect…
I chose to name the year “connect”.
An editor once told me…
“We write so others don’t feel alone”.
But I’ve found that blogs are more than just writing.
Blogs are about connecting…
written so that we all can know…
together…in community…
…that we are not so much alone.
Naming the year sounded simple enough…
Choosing to enter a blogging community…
one that inspired me…that sounded simple enough…
but if you’ve read me, you know that neither have been simple.
They have both been…
fire and ice…
humility and humiliation…
loving acceptance and insensitive rejection…
not simple…not at all.
And the name for the year…
so simple to do…
opened my heart…
laid it bare…
witnessed it built up…
witnessed it torn to shreds.
A heart opened is vulnerable to attack…
but only an open heart can grow…
only an open heart can learn how to stop the bleeding…
…and learn how to stop the bleeding of other hearts…
…and want to do so.
The year I named “connect”?
It ended with a most drastic rejection…
by those I read…those I admired…who inspired me.
I have been put in my place…
been told in rather certain terms…
by powerful people within the community…
that maybe I should find a new sandbox to play in.
I’d gladly give back the trials…and the hurt…and the rejection…and will continue to protect their names…
but I’ll never relinquish hold of the love you all have taught me here in this sandbox.
I heart this sandbox…
where I read words of heart…
by you…virtually all of you…women…
who have grown this mans’ heart…
and with whom I’ve connected in God’s love.
So even if I’m forced to find a new sandbox or two…
Here. I’ll. Stay…
…if that’s okay with you.
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
Pieces Of The Heart
It isn’t the pretty, fancy heart
God uses —
It’s not the ones kept tucked away,
protected from the hurts
and dirt and bruises of the world.
How can a person give away
A piece of a heart
That is still whole?
How can they know how to mend
And stitch the patches
If they themselves
Know not the pain
Of being ripped apart?
Somewhere, somehow,
Deep within the broken, wounded heart,
God keeps a little drawer
Full of extra patches, threads and needles.
And they know,
As no unbroken heart can ever know,
How to give the pieces of their heart
And patch and stitch and mend
The heart of a broken friend.
— Cora
“a little drawer full of extra patches, threads and needles.” I get it – thank you – I hearted it! Brava! God bless you Cora.
this is beautiful, Cora! and so true! i just love this poem and how you penned it just for Craig. what a precious gift. this touched me. i pray that God would use the hurt in my life to heal people and that it wouldn’t sit and fester in my heart and grow bitter, but that i would hand over my heart to the Grand Designer and Tailor and allow Him to do with it what He wills.
I hate that someone hurt you that way. I’m pretty sure that the sandbox is big enough for all of us.
I wish it were just some”one” – anyway – thank you Kelli, the sandbox seems big enough, and I appreciate you sharing the sand. God bless you!
we are all behind you and rooting you on. the voices that want you to stay are much bigger than the voices who are saying you should go. it just seems that they are bigger right now to you. i know what it feels like when someone rejects you or intimidates you–i.e. the most popular girls at school pushing me down a flight of stairs–even as an adult when a peer rejects me–and i know how at that moment their rejection seems paramount, like everyone in the world is against you. but that is our human nature rising up, and Satan uses it to destroy us. i just want you to know that when it comes to bullying, hurt, humiliation and malice, you have to consider the source and move on…harmless as a dove, but wise as a serpent. just because a person has a sweet face and pretty smile doesnt make her kind. and when i say consider the source on this one, Craig. i really mean, consider the source. only a person without life-experience could do something like this, especially if they are a Christian. they have much growing and learning to do. your identity is wrapped up in Christ, not in what these people say about you. please remember that there are plenty of friends and fellow sojourners and grace chasers that want you here and are more than willing to share the sandbox!!
blessings friend,
Nacole
“just because a person has a sweet face and pretty smile doesnt make her kind.”
Nacole, I’m not sure there’s a man anywhere that truly understands this – or at least will admit that he doesn’t understand this – we should all take a course on it – you could teach it – I’d sign up – and ‘d drag at least 10 other men with me. There’s so much that we men don’t know about – well – you know.
and Nacole – the people had oodles of life experience – I SO want to say more – I just really don’t want to start any wars – I really need to be like our Lord on this one. I’m not doing a very good job. God bless you my friend.
well…i dont want to say anything out of the way either, and i desire my mouth to be used by God. i hope that what i said helped in some way. i am sorry that the people in this instance had “life experience”….i know that makes it worse…but still, please consider and believe that when people intentionally hurt like this, they havent received the revelation from God about love the way you have. and all you can do is pray for them. but it DOES NOT mark your identity–Christ does. i really think that is one of the lessons here. and thank you for the year of “see”. i will try to stay tuned in as much as possible. i hope to see you at my place as well…and i heart that you come there!
God bless
ツ
I am grateful for you staying. I have enjoyed connecting with you and reading you. Much of what you have written has seemed like God is writing it just for me and my heart sometimes. Thank you so much for sharing your voice with us.
Katie, I hear people ask all the time – “Who are you writing for” and the answer to the question is supposed to be “me” – “I’m writing for me” – but I’m not – I AM writing for you – you know? ANd not just you – you know – but everyone who reads. It’s not really that kathartic for me to write – and I really really want something good here for you to come read. Anyway – the question was never about leaving the internets – it was about trying to be a member of this Christian “mom blog” community that inspires me so much – if you read a post from a year ago – you won’t think it was written by the same person. I have learned THAT much by just reading. Anyway – you know I am thankful for you – I really hope you know that. God bless you my friend.
I’m glad I found this sandbox.
Erin, thank you, that made me smile ツ and I’m really, really, really glad you found my little sandbox. God bless you Erin – and thank you, really.
This sandbox needs you, Craig. I am glad you are staying, too.
thank you A – that’s it – just thanks – and God bless you ツ
Just don’t sit over in that corner.
Some girls were playing there and made it smell bad.
Here, I’ve got a shovel and you can use my pail.
Felecia – THAT made me smile – thank you. And thank you for being generous with your shovel and pail. Really, thank you, and God bless you.
I was thinking of the paradox here. In your insecurities, you almost left the sandbox because of their insecurities.
Insecurities might not be the right word. Paradigm? Insecurities within the paradigm? No word for that is there? Anyway…glad you stayed. You add something to the sandbox (luckily Laska doesn’t…sorry, couldn’t resist) and you’ve got all these friends who wish you to stay.
yes, that is something to think about – I was broken because they are broken – because we’re all broken – good point Victoria – really – good point! And you’re right – paradigm might be a better word – I think there are even better ones – but I bow to your superior vocabulary ツ and funny! SNORT! no – Laska is not allowed to make “contributions” to the sandbox – he has his own ツ thank you Victoria – I’m smiling – God bless and keep you.
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!
Is that answer clear enough? 😉
Yes it is my friend, yes it is – thank you. Would have been more clear with one more exclamation point though ツ God bless you Layla!