So I thought I had this blogging plan.
I prayed, planned, and prepped for more than a year before I started.
It began magnificently…
and in the first week it fell apart…
challenges that no preparing readied me for…
mistakes I had no idea I was making.
But I didn’t give up.
I addressed the problems, made changes, kept plugging forward.
That’s what love does right?
Love doesn’t give up.
I kept learning, and growing, and reading such inspiring blogs…
and I found a beautiful community in which to write.
But now it seems that the problems I thought I addressed from the beginning…
it’s quite possible that no amount of addressing would have been enough.
The path I laid out is now closed off in a way I didn’t think could happen.
This year I named “connect” has ended with a most major disconnection.
So now what to do?
I may have said this before, even recently…
I’ve got two guiding lights in my life.
One is God’s inspired Word…
the other, just three little versus from Corinthians 13…
thus the two blogs.
First..
I guess…
I should share how I want to react to this.
And this won’t make me sound very full of love:
I feel deeply injured and wronged and I want a little justice handed out to the people in this community who I think have judged me unfairly and have acted wrongly.
I want to give up…never blog another word…just go away quietly.
Do you remember when sweet Sara left this earth and I wrote how I hated…
that time…
like autumn leaves…
would cover up her memory?
If I just go away, soon no one would even know I was ever here.
I want to close the blinds, turn all the lights off, have the world disappear…
except for Anna Karenina and ice cream…and maybe chocolate…and spaghettios.
At the very end of this year I named “connect” I want to just…totally…disconnect.
But that won’t do.
So what to do when the pathway is blocked…
And you can’t go around, under, through, or over?
We all know the saying, “It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you react to what happens to you.”
One way is to learn lessons of humility via this humiliation…
and that’s happening every day right now over on Deep into Scripture.
The other way is to respond in love…
and that happens here.
How does 1 Cor 13 love pass through the impassable?
Love isn’t usually the answer…
it’s always the answer…
and Love has an answer for this…
please come back.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
I will be back. Your posts are like reports from the front lines of the battle to me.
Warring in prayer,
Dawn*
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Oh Craig. I’m so sorry. I just read your posts about this hurt and wish I could offer some comfort. It’s so hard to be misunderstood and misjudged. The internet is a tricky place and many of us have been misled, manipulated, and maligned. Makes us a suspicious lot, and I’m not immune to such paranoia myself. That doesn’t excuse being mean about it though. I’m sorry.
P.S. What’s your favorite flavor ice cream?
I really can’t say much – and maybe I shouldn’t say much – maybe I’ve said too much already. I get it a little – still processing…
And I’m really plain about ice cream – plain old vanilla – or plain old chocolate – pretty basic. It doesn’t take much to make me happy – my ice cream choices reflect that I think.
Thank you Joy, your words carry a good deal of weight with me. God bless you.
Craig-I just wrote a post about forgiveness -your blog is for you and the encouragement you desire to provide others! Joy is right -it’s a crazy world in cyber-ville. Remember this God sees and knows all-he knows your heart and those who have hurt and judged you. Please-pray for him to heal your heart so you can forgive. He is the only judge-he is good and just-judgement is his -peace he grants to those who follow the command his son left us with!!!!
Rebecca, I am so, so, so happy that I know you. I won’t get to meet you in Nashville though – that’s what’s written between the lines here – because I didn’t want to name names – forgiveness is happening, it’s not what I want – it’s what HE wants – and in the end I want what he wants. First came anger – then sadness – and now comes responding in love. as I wrote, Love isn’t usually the answer…it’s always the answer…God bless you Rebecca.
Thank you for your refreshing honesty you display here with how you WANT to react.
And LOVE is the answer. Praying for you.
Katie – I promised myself a year ago that there would be no pretending here – the good to go with the bad. And what I want to do – that’s not at all what I’m going to – not at all – it never had a chance to happen – I wouldn’t let it – and won’t let it. Thank you Katie – and thank you for your prayers – God bless you.
I understand about wanting to give up. But if you use your words to serve God (which I think you do) then keep on serving and carry on =) ! Easier said then done, no? In times I have had similar thoughts what has helped me is holding on to the truth that a ministry is not about me or my feelings, but about my Father. I hope you press on and continue to bless God and us through your words..
thank you Mari – and happy birthday – yes I read. I will keep my attitude adjusted – and know that in the end I want my words to serve HIM. And I’ll carry-on. Thank you so much – I’m really glad our words crossed paths this year. God Bless you my awfully artistic friend.
“At the very end of this year I named “connect” I want to just…totally…disconnect.”
Please, don’t. I know you won’t, but……just the thought that you want to……..makes me sad. Will keep praying.
Michelle – I only wrote the “what I want to do” passage because I wanted to be honest. Of course, from the beginning, this was never about doing what I wanted to do – it’s about responding the way our Lord wants me to. I’ve really tried to be very careful not to include details, and names, – I don’t want any blame game going on. This has really reduced me – greatly. But love doesn’t give up – love finds a way. Thank you for your prayers. God bless you Michelle.
dear Craig,
i am just now reading about this tragedy…as you now know. i am so sorry that this happened to you. i think its just plain awful. i am going to be careful about what i say so you will have to read in between the lines a bit. i am shocked to find out that something like this could happen to you and then again not so shocked because of some of the sites ive visited and some of the things ive read. there are sites that link to Ann’s but they dont write thankful lists or talk on the subject that Ann suggests. they dont even address the issue of grace as Ann so eloquently writes from. they write from a legalistic viewpoint in my opinion. and i stay away from these sites. so…that is why it is not so surprising. i hope im not putting myself in the line of fire by saying so. also, just so you know, as my friend, i rarely read any of the link-ups anymore, but when i do, i read your’s and a couple others. sometimes just your’s. and i have to be careful sometimes to not click on your link, because i know if i do i will be enthralled for an unknown amount of hours, not able to pull myself away from the writing, and forgetting to change my baby’s diaper! so there! i wonder what Cora has had to say about this! ha ha. i know that no one wants a fight, especially in a Christian community, but i see your friends going to bat for you in the comments above. that says something about you. you are a treasure!!!
your sister and friend,
Nacole
I do have friends in this community – to read me is to know me because I don’t hold anything back – and so people who still choose to read me – they know me. The writing in this community still is better than anything else out there – I’m inspired by the reading – you know I am. So I’m going to keep reading, and keep writing, and I’m going to respond to this in love. Nacole, you’re a treasure – God bless you and Eddie and your babies.