The words were simple.
You wouldn’t think they’d cause any sadness.
She just said to me, “I called Don, he said he could come right over and help.”
But they did…
cause sadness.
So I’ve been sharing secret family details.
To know the details…
is to know why those simple words cut…
violent…fierce…deep.
This is part three of those details, part one is here.
I’ve mentioned already that I’ve had professionally drawn diagrams worked up for this telling of the story. First the color key for all the professional diagrams…
and the new family portrait…
A baby sister born.
Finally, after four boys, my mom had her pink bow.
She was all ribbons, and pretty outfits, and pink bedroom, and dolls, and curls.
And was she spoiled?
Oh yeah!
A mama waits 20 years to have a girl – yes, she was spoiled!
There is still the angry one in the center, and his daily cruelty…
and a totally mixed up one to the right…
an overwhelmed and trapped one at the top…
and not abused, but affected, twins at the bottom – and the new girl.
On my walks with Laska the love Kitty I’m constantly reminded that although he’s a thousand shades of cute – he’s a cute…predator. I always carry a pebble with me to warn his prey should he get too close. Yesterday he crouched low, ears forward, stalking what I thought were a few tiny birds. He inched closer, and then darted toward them. Before I threw the pebble to scatter them, up flew 40 sets of tiny wings and beaks – saved for the moment.
That’s what our home was like when we heard the garage door.
We joked about it. It was no joke.
The garage door meant he was home.
And so the professionally drawn diagram reveals…
• his targets of rage
• a brother out of the circle
• green sibling bonds within the circle
• unbreakable mother bonds of love
• noxious and hurtful bonds between the one in the center and everyone else. One affected most deeply and destructively, one trapped and always worried, the others staying clear of the drama, but still being touched by it
• with the older brother gone I became the elder…and a constant playmate for twins, and doting brother for a sister
• and sadly, maternal bonds of love can only limit the scars of abuse, not eliminate them
And that’s how things were until this…
You’ll notice something is missing…
or rather…
someone…
and everything changed.
Tomorrow, I’d heart if you’d visit again to read more of this…
more of this which explains why a simple phrase, struck like lightning, and seared.
Please come back
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Goodness, Craig! I get busy, and come back to this GIANT cliff-hanger? No fair, I want to read more now! 🙁
P.S. It would appear that you & I took the same art class. LOL
what? You have issues with the professional diagrams!? ツ
No, no, no! No issues whatsoever. 🙂
Good, because professional diagram drawers are hard to come by – and not cheap!! ツ
Your mother….this must have been hard for her, too. Did she feel trapped, perhaps, between wanting to leave and protect you from further abuse and staying, which provided financial support. Moms have very, very tough decisions to make sometimes. No judgement coming from my camp, here, just wondering what your mom’s thoughts and struggles were during all this. Just a spin-off pondering as I am reading your posts here, and yes, I will be back, too. And back when she was faced with all this, the public notion of abuse was much less supportive of someone leaving in her situation.
A. I really couldn’t have said it any better – you have that all 100% right! God bless you A.
John 1:1-5 “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”
Words are powerful. Your first picture is dead on. They can hurt or bring hope.
Keep sharing your words, Craig, for they are telling your story. A friend said to me once when I was saying I was afraid to go into the dark spots and talk about them, “I would rather go into the darkness with Jesus, than walk in the light without Jesus.” That one phrase brought me enough courage to look into the darkness inside and share the words and brought HOPE back into my life.
Katie, thank you, I won’t stay on the dark story too long – but I am glad I’m telling it – and there IS a reason for telling it now – the phone conversation with my sister – and the feelings I had about it – the hurt – all of this is kind of necessary to explain that. Anyway, thank you, because you know that talking about this is – as we shared – embarrassing. God bless you my friend.