I wasn’t always a soldier.
I had friends who were girls.
Most of them wanted to stay pure (most). Some would say, “It’s how I was raised.” Others said, “It’s a gift that I will give to my husband” or “Not until I’m in love.” They were nice reasons – not enough for me.
For me there was one reason.
Every sin has a consequence.
No sin is any worse than any other, but the damage each sin does is distinct unto itself. If I lie, I lose trust. If I steal I lose honor. If I get drunk – well, I’ve seen stupid people get plenty drunk. No thank you.
But this one act is an act of bonding. God says the two become one flesh. If I am married I am to become one flesh with my husband. But outside of earthly marriage I am (we all are) married to Our Lord.
This one act we’re speaking about, no different from any other sin, is one of relationship. It’s consequences are relational.
If I choose to become one with a man outside of marriage than I choose to be unfaithful in my marriage to God. If I am unfaithful to God, I deeply injure my relationship with him. I could never have lived without the one relationship that, to me, was the most vital thing in the world.
Without Him,
I was not,
am not,
me.
I could do without a lot, take a lot of punishment, pay big prices – but lose my tie with the one who made me and sustains me? Other reasons are good. But for me there was basically this one, and only this one could ever have been enough.
Before I go I want to say that virginity isn’t everything. If I had lost mine I would have been disqualified from my mission, would have let Our Lord down, but my world would not have ended.
God forgives.
He would have forgiven me.
I would never have been what God allowed me to become.
But I would still have had him.
God is nice.
That’s it. There is so much more to say about so many other topics. This was important to me and I wanted to let you know what I thought. I’m the so called “Warrior Saint”, But I I was no different from you.
I was you.
You are me.
We are his.
In the name of Our King of Heaven
In God’s love.
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Craig, I am at a loss for words to describe these letters and her life…deep, awed thanks…heartrending. And I love the last part about how, even when we mess up, God still loves us. Yet, it makes me want to not offend my God…to not grieve Him nor thwart His best for me…for His sake.
I hope we get to read more letters from Jeanne in the future.
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh i’ve kind of written one – and me too about that part – how we hurt him and he still loves us – and how knowing that makes me want to hurt him less. Thank you A. God Bless.
The way that you put it, about being married to Him . . .that was really good. It brought it to us in a way that we could really relate to. Thank you and God bless you as you continue deep into His love.
I was on a flight one day and I was telling the woman next to me all about the amazing story I wanted to write. She said that’s a dangerous thing to throw out ideas like that. I said – well you’re not a writer so I’m safe – and she said slyly “But I am.” Turns out she teaches Ethics of Writing at a major University – and she told me to always keep my ideas close to the vest – so shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
shushing now. 🙂
Every sin has a consequence – we so often forget that, or think the consequences are so small they don’t matter. Thank you for what you have shared of Jeanne. There is so much in there to chew on. I think I’ll be coming back and reading these again and again.
Michelle – that means so much to me – I pour myself into these posts – all I have – it’s nice to hear you say there’s enough depth to come back and read again. Makes me smile – thank you.
Special thoughts and prayers. You know why. Did you get the email I sent last night? Or did I miss entering the correct address?
I got it GJ – I wil lreally need them and I know things couldn’t be in safer hands – couldn’t have a better person praying for me. God Bless – and thank you .